Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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