its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
