Your tits are I can't wait for
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have aggressive nipples.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
