Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
