Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
