So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
