Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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