I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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