One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
