I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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