There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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