so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
