oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
