u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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