yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
