; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
