Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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