I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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