here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
