We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have fence marks all over my body
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
