I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
