You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
