so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
