Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
