chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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