i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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