Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
