this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
