Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
