i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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