So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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