dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
