I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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