I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My pussy is not your playground.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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