my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
