i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
