Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
