He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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