ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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