I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
