So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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