Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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