Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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