6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
dude. I can hear the air.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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