You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize