This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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