if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
