I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
