no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
