dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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