I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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