I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
