The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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