Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
