I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
