I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
