went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
