every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My penis needs a shock collar
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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