I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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