I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
