I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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