I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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