i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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