Do you still have your period?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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