I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
