i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think my moral compass just broke
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