You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
