I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
