You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My cat gives me a boner
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
