The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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