no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
